How To Know If You Need Couples Counseling?
If you and your loved one(s) are struggling to communicate, fighting often, or feel like you are on a different page from each other, then you may consider couples counseling.
Sometimes couples get to a place where they feel alone, disconnected, misunderstood. The two of you could be frustrated talking in circles and feel like it never gets you anywhere. Struggle with boundaries with one of you overstepping and the other feeling smothered? Arguments over jealousy or infidelity?
You may feel like you've had the same argument multiple times or you've stopped talking to each other altogether. You may even be questioning ending the relationship.
I offer support for couples to work through their issues in a safe environment where each person gets their turn to speak and be heard. Together we can explore what your goals are as individuals and as a couple. We can find the path that's right for you. I have spent many years working with couples, helping them with parenting difficulties, dealing with life stress as a team, working through broken trust, and learning ways to communicating more openly and effectively with each other.
It is possible to rekindle your connection to each other and enjoy each other more fully.
What Does a Healthy Relationship Look Like?
Well, like most things in life, there isn't a "one size fits all" for relationships. There is not one certain way that a relationship needs to be in order for it to be healthy and happy, however there are some common traits among happy couples.
Here are some commonalities that healthy and happy relationships may have:
• Trust in Each Other- faith that the other person is honest, faithful, and won’t do anything to intentionally hurt you. It’s important that this isn’t one-sided. Both people need to be trusting of each other without question.
• Respect- belief that the other person is deserving, worthy, and equal to yourself. Treating each other with dignity and refraining from any put-downs or name calling.
• Love- you both truly care for each other, enjoy aspects and characteristics about each other, want the best for the other person and have consideration for their wants and needs.
• Equality- It’s Not One-Sided- things should feel fair to both people in the relationship. Things will feel lopsided if one person feels they do too much or give too much and the other person takes too much or doesn’t hold up their fair share. This can lead to frustration and resentment, so it’s better to consider the equality in the relationship and make any needed adjustments. What I mean by equality is not to say that each person needs to be doing x number of tasks or keep a running tally (this would not be the way to happiness), but that both people see their roles and tasks as fair, sharing in their lives with team work and feeling like partners. It is ok in situations for one person to take on more responsibility and help the other out when things are hard. It is ok to lean on each other and support each other. This is a continuous balancing act the will ebb and flow.
• Laughter is a bonus. It’s truly great if the two of you can get silly together, make each other laugh, or just enjoy each other’s company…. No, not all the time. The reality is that life gets busy and it’s normal for all of us to get distracted from our relationships at times or focus on big life changes, daily tasks, etc. But some of the happiest relationships find time every once in a while, to laugh together or have moments when they really pay attention to each other and appreciate the other person.
What Happens in Couples Counseling?
When I meet with a couple, I like to hear from both people on why they are here and what they want to get out of counseling. Don’t worry if you don’t have a clear-cut answer to that question. It’s a fluid conversation with give and take. Together we will explore where you both would like to be as a couple, what your needs are in the relationship and figure out what you want to work on.
I make sure that both people have a turn to share their side of things and that both people are heard and understood. When needed, I referee to help keep it a peaceful discussion and focused on problem-solving instead of rehashing the problems over and over, and never getting anywhere.
Together we all can explore what tools make the most sense for you as a couple. I can give you ideas of how you can improve your time together and your connection.
Why wait? Let's get started today.
Now providing online therapy all over Colorado! Get the support you need from the comfort and convenience of your own home, office, or while traveling. I offer telehealth counseling using secure video conferencing. All you need is an internet connection, computer, tablet or smartphone and a place to speak privately.